Enabler

Recently more and more people have found it necessary to point out to me that I am an "enabler". On face value that sounds bad, I agree. But is it always? I do what I can to help...does that make me bad? I base my decisions on what I think God would want me to do...does that make me bad? I give my heart, dedication, passion, and loyalty...regardless if anything is returned...does that make me bad? I do not think so. While, admittedly I do get frustrated/hurt/upset at certain situations..which often lead to my frustration being vented in the wrong direction...i think people need to behave in such a way as to answer to one person, our heavenly father. If I base my actions on what I think God would have me do...regardless of the actions of those around me...I am comfortable with myself. I know that I can not fix everyones problems, but God can...and if I allow myself to be a vessel...lifes/people can be reached.

I know there is more to say here, but I get myself consfused, so for know, I will leave it at that.

Square peg in a round hole...

How many of you remember those "work bench" toys when you were a kid...the kind that had different shaped holes cut out for you to hammer the pieces through...you had the round hole, square hole, star hole, etc...My mom always told me how I would force the pieces through, regardless of the shape hole...what ever one i landed on...was the one the piece was going through...be it through me hammering, stomping or smashing...sometimes the pieces would fit through the wrong hole with out problems or sometimes I would just land on the right hole...I bring this up because I have been thinking about how people fit in their lives...be in volunteering, working, whatever...I think our lives are alot like that work bench. God has designed us for as specific part...a special need...and we have a special place in this world...however, many of us take the route I did as a child and just try to force ourselves into a situation..even when we clearly are not intended for that. Sometimes it feels like we found our fit because things are going smoothly only to find out later that we are in the wrong spot (ie. the circle piece sliding through the square hole)...while the fit may seem fine, we then find ourselves working harder to increase our weaknesses, rather than increasing our strengths that God has given us. Then there are the times that we take our time...pray...and figure out where we belong. This idea helps to explain alot for me. It explains alot of the problems with volunteers...many of them are circle pegs being hammered into star holes...just because we need a star piece...it explains alot of the problems with marriages...with careers...with everything. If we all took our time, prayed, we believe we would find our "hole"...but in our fast paced, results now world...i think we all go "little eric" style and just hammer away...trying to make it fit "our" way.

THE SKY IS FALLING!

Okay...so its not really falling...as many thought it would. Yes, Obama won the election...did you really think things would come crashing down? Am I happy? NO. Bitter? Absolutely not. Its not like things were going awesome and everyone is happy. The economy sucks. Who would have thought people would get frustrated and vote for the other party? Go figure! :) What I don't understand is people that are hoping for drastic change. Obama first and foremost wanted to be president...do you think he wanted to be president for 4 years? Not a chance. He wants all 8 years. So what you ask? To me that means he is going to do and say things to play nice. If he goes off the liberal deep end, he will push this country back to its conservative roots and I think he is smart enough to know that. I see him finding one, maybe two things he promised in his campaign to try and push through in the first couple of months...but the reality is this...he is in a tough position...times are rough and he is about to get a serious dose of the reality that is being the President on the United States. I for one and going to take a page out of my 4 year old daughters book..(a little back story here...Jade came home from school with a "My vote counted" sticker, so Danielle asked her..."who did you vote for"...she said, "nobody, i did not know who they were" (another sidebar...if only our country would take this stance...and not vote blindly just because the "other kids" were); but I do know who Kaitlyn (her best friend at school )voted for, she voted for "Mobama"....and she explained that Ms. Little told them to watch the news and follow the election, a little weird to ask kindergarten in my opinion, but we did it anyways...this led to many many questions...regarding who mom and dad were going to vote for...why we were voting for them and why was everyone so angry...so we just had an awesome night explaining all of this to a 4 (emma got very interested) and 5 year old)...so...Emma wakes up, comes running down stairs and I have the news on and she hears Obama...she turns to me as says "Did Obama win Dad?"...yes..."I hope God can change him, I am going to pray"...what a thought? What if instead of complaining...we actually trusted that God knows whats going on and we trust him?

this week...

argh! not sure the source, but I have been really frustrated this week. Grrr

I wish I could listen more often

It strange. I ask God to speak to me all the time. Tell me what to do. And sometimes he speaks loudly. Friday I had the priviledge of meeting Pastor Ron..Ron is a children's pastor in Tulsa, and I have never been so inspired in my life. It was a "hey do you mind if we go talk to this guy" type of meeting, but Ron sat down with us and shared what God has done in his life and prayed over us. He spoke of how God uses people and remember to allow to let God use us and to help God use those around us. It was really an awesome moment in my life and I only hope that I can listen to God this time and do what he wants.

Loving God: Monday through Saturday

Sunday is a day or rejuvenation! A day of rest. A day to get our spiritual batteries charged. A day we lift up and say “this is the day that I will give to God!” No wonder all of us are always exhausted. Many of us try to charge our spiritual batteries on Sunday and think that will get us through the week. What if we only charged our cell phones on Sunday? Or put gas in our cars only on Sunday? Being a Christian is easy on Sunday. For some that means putting out our Sunday best (for most of us that is our attitude, not our clothes), going to church and eating with the family afterwards. Many people use this time not only to recharge themselves through God, but far too many of us only have this time to be with our families. Being a Christian Monday through Saturday is a bigger challenge. We feel like we are on our own at work, school, and the grocery store. We meet people that question our faith or our beliefs…sometimes the questions are out loud, other times they are not. Our faith is tested everyday. Be it through our anger in rush hour traffic, our lack of patience with our kids, or our lack of integrity when dealing with a client because we “need” this sale.

In James 1:22-25 (message Bible) it tells us…
22-24Don't fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don't act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like.
25But whoever catches a glimpse of the revealed counsel of God—the free life!—even out of the corner of his eye, and sticks with it, is no distracted scatterbrain but a man or woman of action. That person will find delight and affirmation in the action
We will find delight and affirmation in the action. It does not say if you do as the bible says you will find delight and affirmation in finances or your relationships. The scripture says you will find it in your actions. To me that means you will find it in all that you do. When you follow the word of God, day in and day out, in every task…be it driving to work, helping the kids with homework or taking out the trash, you can find delight and affirmation!

Joshua 1:8 continues…
8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.

If we do not follow the word of God and filter our whole life through his word, how can we be lamp until others as God has asked us to do?

Mathew 5:14-16 tells us…

14 "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hid. 15 Nor do men light a lamp and put it under a bushel, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

When we forget that he is the Lord of our life and he cares about all things, big and small we get worn down. The devil knows when we are worn down and vulnerable and then we are surprised how the problems and disappointments pile up!

Something must be wrong with me...

So...I know everyone is messed up..some more than others...but, I take comfort in knowing its not just me...but how much comfort?! Apparently not much...I think I might be the most easily (sp?) person on the planet...it doesn't take much...a negative comment, a non-comment, or sometimes I manage to take a nice comment and make it bad in my head, or it could be an event, doesn't really matter...i manage to make it a big deal and get my self down about it, which then in turn annoys me because I know thats what I do and I get even more down! Thus...in deed...something MUST be wrong with me...i have lots of positives to look at, yet I linger on the negatives...ugh! Mostly hoping that writing this out will help me fight though it, as it has been a tough couple of days....til next time....toodles

God is a bigger man than me...

The title says it all.

I think everyone tries to measure up. But at times it is so clear it hurts. For me that happened time and time again this week.

Jade started kindergarten this week. Seems simple enough. On the surface I should be excited. As a parent this is the first step in helping your children grow. As a parent, you hope that you raise a well adjusted, successful child. That all starts with kindergarten and I feel like I failed. Don't get me wrong, I am glad she is going, but it pains me for her to have to be there. I thought it would be easy, I thought she would blow the other kids out of the water. I had not considered the other kids. Neither had Jade. Things were good going into day one. Day two even started okay. Mild hiccups...who didn't expect those though? Well, day three started the pain. Jade H-A-T-E-D lunch and recess. I mean, who on the planet hates lunch and recess? The best part of being in elementary school for crying out loud! But Jade was clear...she was persistent...she was hurt. How do I contine to drop the apple of my eye off everyday with tears streaming down her face? She was doing well in class...she had already achieved her "Awesome Award" given to the kid who behaves the best all day...but yet, the pain in her voice, the fear in her eyes told the story her words could not...this is my troop...my stud..the kid that trusted me to jump off a 15'+ cliff with out much more than "are you sure dad?"...even this morning she looks at me with tears rolling down her checks and says "i will try dad, i promise" and then gets out of the car...how do i fix this...i do i make the world right...what is the problem!! So i took the following morning off...i was going to help her...i am her dad and i can fix her problems...So i go to lunch...we are problem free until the end is approaching...Jade begins to well up in anticipation of the dreaded recess...i reassure her that I would be staying through recess...which by the way I don't think is allowed, but I had made it very clear that my request was more of a "this is going to happen"...so we go to recess...things are not starting off well...my day...recess involved trees, fields, soccer field, playground..space...not anymore...today's recess is a single playground surrounded by a fence...we have decided children no longer need an imagination, no longer can they be "hero's in the woods" but rather hamsters on a wheel...that is for another day...in the texas heat i immediately notice not an square inch of shade is available, just sun warmed iron of a play set...jade ignores her first friend to come and ask if she will play...and i begin to ponder the problem...i myself ask if we can go join the others, saying "i never get to slide!", to which she explains...if we go over there we won't be able to find our spot and they will be mad...they referring to the line of teachers...i explain that we will be okay and i will help, she reluctantly heads for the playset....30 mins later we are lining up and i again see her fear...the simple problem...she doesn't want to get lost...oh, but how correct she is...how many of us fear getting lost...maybe not phiscally...but spiritually....then it got me thinking...i can handle letting Jade deal with her very small problem....how does God feel when I won't even let him help me with problems...big or small...they are all small to him....so all and all..this week has been very humbling...making realize that while i talk a bout letting God handle my problems, I have been categorizing them...thinking he only wants to deal with "certain" issues...but in fact he cares about everything...even if its just as simple as "i don't like recess!"

Hypocrite...

hypocrite [hip-oh-krit]
Noun
a person who pretends to be what he or she is not

Thats what I am.

I don't want to be...i don't try to be...I just am.

I can stand on a street corner, behind a pulpit, on a stage, in my office, my bedroom...anywhere and tell people...do not lose faith when things get tough...in fact that is when you should have the most faith!

Yet, what do I do in my own life?! Things get tough and I immediately try to figure out how to fix them myself...God does not need my help! I need to try and stay faithful...do what God asks me to do and trust that he will always be there for me....this has been a tough lesson and sometimes gets scary...but I know that things will work out...even with out my help!

Feeling optimistic...

So...it feels like the devil has been attacking full force recently...from me jacking my foot up...getting sick (not typical for me)...danielle having problems...my mom's A/C going out....it just seems like everytime i turn around something else is happining...sometimes big, sometimes small...but in any case...I feel good...I know that God is working through us and that storms will come...I know that if we stay the course and open ourselves up to him that things will work out...I have felt more encouraged recently than ever before and am looking forward to how things are going to change...

Somethings got to give...

I know now what God has created me for...I have spent years thinking about it...read books about it...seconded guessed him several times...but I know now...I know what makes my heart beat....what makes me happy even when the world around me is crashing...I know what comes after God, Danielle, Jade, and Emma...so now what? How do I re-arrange my life to put myself in a position to work towards God's plan for my life? I spent 27 years not walking his direction? Is there a short cut to get back on his path? Should I be discouraged if it does not happen soon? I don't think so...I know that God has a plan for me...I know that he will continue to open the doors that need to be open...I know that he will even re-open the doors that I have closed...I know that he loves me and that as long as I live faithfully in him...that nothing is impossible

So..how do you deal with death?

My grandmother passed away. She has been fighting various cancer's for over a year now, maybe even longer...so her death was not a huge surprise. We were not close, but I feel really terrible for my dad...I know they were really close and he stayed positive through all of her sicknesses. I am really greatful that she started going to church a few years back and even got my dad going. Is there ever the "right" thing to say? How do you explain it to your 4 and 5 year old? Its just a really tough thing to deal with and I fear that I have been sheltered from most of it though out the years...ugh!

Oh, Howard!

So we had a duck...yes a duck. His name was Howard. You know like "Howard the Duck", the movie, lame I know...but I liked so, hence the name Howard. Howard came to be because his mother abandoned him in our front yard, so like any normal family (i use the word normal here very loosely), we took him in. Danielle and the kids were his parents for a week...the played with him, fed him, took him swimming (in the kitchen sink or the dog bowl) Things were well in the Clanton household...then came last friday. Friday was not a good day for the Clantons, and an even worse day for Howard...Friday my poor little duck had his head closed in the backdoor! Jade had gone in the backyard to ask Danielle a question and when she went back in...slammed the door behind her (not realizing poor Howard was there) Fortuneatly the story does not end with my 5 year being scared for life by killing her beloved pet duck. Howard hung on. Howard lived! As the day went on he even progressed somewhat, but then regressed the next day. Realizing that he was not going to make it (he was unable to eat or drink) I was given the task of "dealing with it"...What does one do with a dying baby duck in the middle of the day on Saturday you might ask? Excellent question, thanks for asking! You take him to an Animal Hospital, drop him off and leave...knowing that they will either fix him or give him the proper treatment and let him go...either way, his chances with them were far greater than the alternatives! So, Howard was gone...now to talk to the kids...I them he got better and that I took him to place with other ducks that would be nice to him...I also pointed out that we had to take him there because we were moving and would have no place for him to go swimming when get got bigger since our new neighborhood does not have a pond...what else could i say? again...was not real keen on my 5 year old thinking she had killed the baby duck...

My poor wife...

I can't even imagine what its like to deal with me all the time...my poor wife manages to put up with me and most of the time has a smile on her face...she has been such a trooper in this whole moving experience and done her best to make it so that I am no inconvienced! God bless her! Love you honey!

Moving...

If being in the process of moving has taught me anything...its that I do not like to move...the whole notion of living somewhere else scares me...I don't like the feeling out of place, or like I may be making a mistake...i know that i have prayed about this move for years...i just need to now have faith that I am doing what God wants me to do!

Opening your mind...

So, I generally try to make myself available to people...I like to be helpful...sure I don't want to be taken advantage of...and surely its easier to to say no...but I like to help...and tonight God reminded me that he wants me to be available to others...on a normal day, I am headed home around 5 or 5:30...but today I was behind (as I went home super-early yesterday to take a nap, first time ever!) and did not get off work until 7pm...normally this would be a problem, but a few hours prior I had gotten the news that a friend had just had their baby and they needed someone to pick up their sister at the airport....in the meantime, I had made my calls for my appointments...the homeowners (who lived in between the office and the airport) could not meet me tomorrow, and they would be out of town for the next 10 days, so tonight was there only time to do it...on the evening in which I just happened to have an hour to waste. It showed me once again that God is in control and that he has a plan. He puts us in the situation to succeed and he rejoices when we lisen...the key is to opening your heart and your mind to listening to his will and walking in his steps.

Blogging...

So...the world is blogging...what does it even mean to "blog"...am i to tell the world at large my everymove...recounting each moment...if so...this entry may be a bit long...as I have existed 27+ years with out a blog...so retracing all of my "happenings" may not be in anyone's best interest...what about expressing my thoughts? well...how do i even put all of them on paper...do i just assume that no one will get offended, hurt or confused....most of the time I confuse myself...so what to expect? Rambling, misspellings, confusion...most definetly, words of wisdom; hopefully...slices of me; definetly...so, sit back, relax, and prepare to get love me a little more!