The title says it all.
I think everyone tries to measure up. But at times it is so clear it hurts. For me that happened time and time again this week.
Jade started kindergarten this week. Seems simple enough. On the surface I should be excited. As a parent this is the first step in helping your children grow. As a parent, you hope that you raise a well adjusted, successful child. That all starts with kindergarten and I feel like I failed. Don't get me wrong, I am glad she is going, but it pains me for her to have to be there. I thought it would be easy, I thought she would blow the other kids out of the water. I had not considered the other kids. Neither had Jade. Things were good going into day one. Day two even started okay. Mild hiccups...who didn't expect those though? Well, day three started the pain. Jade H-A-T-E-D lunch and recess. I mean, who on the planet hates lunch and recess? The best part of being in elementary school for crying out loud! But Jade was clear...she was persistent...she was hurt. How do I contine to drop the apple of my eye off everyday with tears streaming down her face? She was doing well in class...she had already achieved her "Awesome Award" given to the kid who behaves the best all day...but yet, the pain in her voice, the fear in her eyes told the story her words could not...this is my troop...my stud..the kid that trusted me to jump off a 15'+ cliff with out much more than "are you sure dad?"...even this morning she looks at me with tears rolling down her checks and says "i will try dad, i promise" and then gets out of the car...how do i fix this...i do i make the world right...what is the problem!! So i took the following morning off...i was going to help her...i am her dad and i can fix her problems...So i go to lunch...we are problem free until the end is approaching...Jade begins to well up in anticipation of the dreaded recess...i reassure her that I would be staying through recess...which by the way I don't think is allowed, but I had made it very clear that my request was more of a "this is going to happen"...so we go to recess...things are not starting off well...my day...recess involved trees, fields, soccer field, playground..space...not anymore...today's recess is a single playground surrounded by a fence...we have decided children no longer need an imagination, no longer can they be "hero's in the woods" but rather hamsters on a wheel...that is for another day...in the texas heat i immediately notice not an square inch of shade is available, just sun warmed iron of a play set...jade ignores her first friend to come and ask if she will play...and i begin to ponder the problem...i myself ask if we can go join the others, saying "i never get to slide!", to which she explains...if we go over there we won't be able to find our spot and they will be mad...they referring to the line of teachers...i explain that we will be okay and i will help, she reluctantly heads for the playset....30 mins later we are lining up and i again see her fear...the simple problem...she doesn't want to get lost...oh, but how correct she is...how many of us fear getting lost...maybe not phiscally...but spiritually....then it got me thinking...i can handle letting Jade deal with her very small problem....how does God feel when I won't even let him help me with problems...big or small...they are all small to him....so all and all..this week has been very humbling...making realize that while i talk a bout letting God handle my problems, I have been categorizing them...thinking he only wants to deal with "certain" issues...but in fact he cares about everything...even if its just as simple as "i don't like recess!"
Manfaat Nangka
8 years ago
